Virtual Surreality
by petran
Summary: Keitaro and Co. are trapped in virtual reality world, created by Su, where anything can happen.
1. Prologue: Enter the Hinatrix

**Virtual Surreality**

By Petran

Well… here it is! My sorry first attempt to write a fanfic. I hope you enjoy it.

I know there is a "Virtual Reality" episode in the anime (not in the manga), but quite frankly IT SUCKED, despite the introduction of Kentaro Sakata. Originally I had planned the virtual reality thing to be nothing but a plot device to get the story going to the direction I want it to, but the ideas have been popping up in my head for the past few weeks, and it seemed like a pity to just let this opportunity go to waste.

I have therefore decided to make this "virtual reality" story and then tell the story that I was intending to write when I originally started this, as a sequel to this one. I hope you like both.

And one last thing… I know it takes me a while to get the story going, in this first chapter, but once I reach the virtual reality situation, I have all kinds of fun stuff planned to do with the characters. Lets just say that this time Keitaro isn't going to be the only one going into the virtual reality machine, and it's not going to have just an amusement park in it

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own Love Hina. Love Hina is a property of Ken Akamatsu, Tokyopop and Studio Xebec and TV Tokyo (am I forgetting anyone?). I only wrote this because I like the anime and LOVE the manga, not to make money out of it, so please don't legally kick my ass… please!_

**NOTE: **The story takes place during volume 9 of the Manga, a bit after the "Broken Blade" story. This means that Motoko has just regained her status at the Shinmei-Ryu dojo, Naru is still attending the first term of her university, Keitaro still has a broken leg, and Kitsune, Kaolla, Shinobu and Mutsumi are… well… the same. I put the story during this timeline because it has more "gag-potential" for the type of story I want to write.

"*"=Spoken words

'*'=Thoughts

**==================================================**

**Chapter 0: Those Morning Blues**

Keitaro groaned as he tried to get out of his futon. It was one of those days were you wanted to just lie down there and not get up for… oh lets say the rest of the year. The past few weeks have drained him both physically and emotionally. He had professed his love to Naru, he had helped Motoko regain her status at the Shinmeiryu School of swordmanship by helping her stand-up to her sister. He has been crushed by a giant onion, hospitalized, plastered, blasted, beaten, possessed, de-possessed, kissed and beaten some more for good measure.

Even though he was supposed to be resting, he didn't get a good night's sleep or rest for almost three weeks. That, combined with what he went through, made him feel like he went through a meat grinder. All he wanted now was to sleep. But he was still supposed to be the landlord and he was still supposed to do the thing that landlords do, such as maintenance and repairs despite his injuries.

Motoko had tried to help him, after she briefly lost her swordmanship status, but her sense of purpose and a tendency to take things way too seriously, meant that she was so good at the chores to the point where she upset the other residents. The floor she waxed was so slippery that it could easily be used as an alternative ice-skating stage, the food she prepared was so typical that even soldiers would find it bland, and the way she chopped wood was so extreme that made the other tenants run for their lives. The final straw was when she replaced Mitsune's Sake Wine collection with vinegar, out of concern for her health.

After Motoko was reinstated at her dojo, she offered once more to help Keitaro until his leg got better. A brief recollection of the experience, as well as a brief look to the faces of the other Hinatasou tenants, when she suggested this, urged him to kindly decline her offer. So there he was, in his not so healthy state trying to get up to do a bit of clean-up to the chaos that was generally Hinata. A brief mental image of the accumulated housework made him shudder.

It felt a bit like school, that horrible feeling that you get when you realize that the weekend in over, that it's Monday, you have done absolutely no homework and no studying, and that you have to face that large bully from the fifth grade.

He rolled over grabbed his crutch and stood up. He went into the toilet, washed his face, did his *cough* business, took off his pajamas, put on his clothes and went to get some breakfast from the Kitchen before getting on with his daily chores.

Keitaro naturally had great amounts of physical endurance, but he was at the end of his rope. There were times when he wished he was somebody else, somewhere else. More handsome, more powerful, more charming, more daring, anybody, somewhere where people didn't put a knuckle in his face every five minutes… Anyone but him, anywhere but here…

** ==================================================**

**Chapter 0.25: Breakfast at Hinata's**

"Good morning, Kei-Kun!".

There was only one person that used that particular honorific, along with Keitaro's name. After briefly stumbling through the stairs and nearly knocking himself out, Keitaro looked up to see the beautiful Mutsumi smiling at him. She was, as usual, having a slice of watermelon. Keitaro very often wondered about this; He never got to see her eat anything else. According to Kitsune, she actually ate some pasta salad once, and thoroughly enjoyed it, but he wasn't sure she was telling him the truth. He thoroughly asked himself 'Can anyone live on watermelons alone?'

"I'll take your word for it." Keitaro pulled himself together and sat on the table.

"This will brighten up your day Senpai!" Shinobu walked from into the kitchen holding a tray with traditional Japanese breakfast. The smell was wonderful making Keitaro give a serious conscious effort not to drool. Even though he was very hungry he decided to promptly wait for the others to come before he started eating.

By the way, where were they?

"Uhm, Shinobu… Where is everybody?"

"Kitsune had a wild night partying so naturally she's in her room sleeping like a log. Motoko is out practicing, while Naru is dressing up and preparing for her University Class. Sarah is preparing for school. And Kaolla has been in her room for the past few days…"

"And what is she doing?" Keitaro almost dreaded the answer but he had to know. As bad as he felt when she kicked and beat him, that feeling was nothing when he knew that she was just out there…

"Well, remember when you and Motoko went to Kyoto to fight Tsuruko?"

"Yes?"

"Well, me Kaolla, Suu, Mutsumi, and Sarah were here all alone and we decided to all go to the movies to pass time."

"And what was the movie you saw? Something by the Shaw Brothers? That new 'Hero' movie?"

"Uhm… No… Something called 'The Matrix'."

"What?!" Keitaro was thoroughly shocked. "This is an R-Rated movie! How could you go see something like this?! It has violence and cur..."

His words were cut short as he received a punch from Sarah who apparently managed to walk in the dining room without him noticing. "It also had Keanu! He is soooo cute!" Her eyes were sparkling wide, like a manga heroine as she said this. The word 'Teeny Bopper" came through Keitaro's mind. "Unlike YOU! Dork! Plus it had some great fighting sequences! I learned some cool new moves!"

Keitaro shuddered as he knew exactly who she was going to use the moves on. He decided not to push his luck and criticize the choice of movie the girls made. Instead he returned to the topic of what Kaolla was doing. After all she still hadn't arrived.

"OK, so you all watched 'The Matrix', what does this have to do with Kaolla?"

"Well, she told us that she wants to make a Virtual Reality machine like The Matrix. And you know how she is when she puts her mind into something!"

"Yes, I do…" he had learned, the hard way, that Kaolla's mind was like a bullet-train. Very powerful, very fast, and impossible to stop once it starts going into a certain direction. This, combined which an inventiveness that would make Thomas Edison look like an idiot, and a child-like innocence that prevented her from realizing that a 60-Foot fighting turtle robot with an atomic bomb as a power supply is not a good thing made Kaolla's mind a very dangerous place to be.

Still the idea that she was just making a virtual reality machine put his mind at ease. 'At least she is not making a mecha-godzilla'.

He breathed out, put his mind at ease, and relaxed, which was a foolish thing to do… Because he didn't realize that sooner or later, one way or the other, him and the other tenants of Hinatasou would inevitably have **_to try it!_**

**==================================================**

**Chapter 0.50: Missing Pressumed**

Motoko came down, bringing a post-hangover Mitsune with her. From the look of things Mitsune was not happy about being woken up after a night of hardcore drinking. Her hair was all messed up, her face was twitching and she walked down the stair in a way that reminded Keitaro of the "Evolution of Man" graph he saw at prep-school. The pretty samurai girl was literally dragging her. Normally Mitsune was very beautiful, but in her current state she looked like something someone scapped off his shoe.

"Dammit Motoko! Why did you have to drag me down here?"

"Because I believe you should get something to eat."

"Why can't I just get up at noon and have drunch…"

"That's Brunch."

"Whatever… Why can't I?"

"Because by then the alcohol will already do a considerable damage to your stomach. You should get something to eat now. Then you may go back to sleep."

Keitaro just had to ask…"Why were you drinking yesterday for, Kitsune?"

"My horse won at the races and I decided to have a celebratory drink."

"If you lost, you would have had a consolation drink."

"True."

"You drink way too much." Understated Motoko. Mitsune on a drinking binge made Oliver Reed look like a pastor.

Keitaro didn't like where this was going so he decided to slightly change the subject.

"So how much did you win?"

"About 30000 Yen."

"How are you going to spend it?"

"Probably by paying off some of my debts. It's not going to be enough to cover all, but it's something… Anyway, where's the grub? I'm hungry!"

Just then, Naru came down the stairs all dressed up to go to the University. Even though she wore normal university attire, wearing her glasses, and with her hair tied up in a bun, Keitaro thought she looked stunning. She promptly greeted everyone, smiled and sat down.

Just a few weeks ago Keitaro finally managed to profess his love her. She had been avoiding him ever since. This made him feel like a death-row inmate waiting for his execution. In fact it was a bit worse, because the death-row inmate's pain would probably end with his execution… His would only start…

That was because, in his mind there were two possible outcomes. Naru would either tell him that she doesn't like him and reject him outright, or she would just tell him that she just sees him "as a friend". Upon consideration, he preferred the first option. At least it was honest and didn't leave any doubts about he was standing. He had already heard the "as a friend" speech a dozen million times, and he knew that it meant, translated from womanese "I like the attention that you are giving me, and you are free to take me out sometime, or let me crash at your place, or let you help me, but if you lay a finger on me, you'll never see me again.". It made him feel like a spare tire, and sick to his stomach.

Of course there was also the possibility that she would tell him that she actually likes him, and wants to be something more than just a friend to him, which would be equivalent of the death-row inmate to be released and receive a million dollars as compensation, but it was a very remote one…

Keitaro looked at Naru and thought how beautiful she looked. He gave her a warm smile, and she smiled back. After Motoko got reinstated to her dojo, Naru started talking to Keitaro again. But there was no sign of her giving him an answer. She just went on with her life, as if Keitaro's profession never happened.

Everybody got ready to eat, but something wasn't right… "Where's Kaolla?"

"She's still in her room…"

"Something's not right, it's been a few days since we last saw her and Kaolla is never one to miss breakfast."

"You are definitely right, one of us has to go and bring her here…"

Everybody sat silent. Generally speaking Kaolla's room was not a place you'd want to be in, especially when she's around…

Being the warrior among the gang, Motoko decided to take the initiative. "I'll go get her… You guys have breakfast without us…"

**==================================================**

Ten minutes passed and went. Kaolla was not down yet, and neither was Motoko.

"Kaolla is probably giving Motoko one of her death grips… I think I'll go get them." And with that Mitsune went upstairs…

Another ten minutes passed without Kaolla, Motoko AND Kitsune.

"OK, now I am seriously worried. I think I should go check…"

Keitaro tried to go up the stairs, but it was a bit difficult, with him standing on a crutch. Naru kept looking at him for a minute and then decided to help him get up the stairs. Keitaro blushed as Naru put his arms around her neck. It was true that she still cares about him.

"Hey, don't get any funny ideas, I am just helping you out."

He sighed. Naru was a literally a closed book to him. He could see the cover, he could have a brief idea of what was inside, but he just couldn't read her. He just couldn't figure out what was inside her. And that drove him crazy.

They finally reached Kaolla's room.

"Are you sure, you want to go through this?"

"It's not like we have a choice, unless you want to send Shinobu all by herself in here."

"You have a point."

They opened the door and walked inside…

**==================================================**

**Chapter 0.75: Beneath the valley of the Mini -Vixen**

There is really no accurate way to describe Su's room. A "mess" is not the right word either, because it assumes that the room was once in order, AND that it could be cleaned up one day in the future. "Jungle" is not the right word, because very few jungles have nuclear reactors and mechaniloids. Perhaps "Warzone" would be an accurate enough word to describe it, but it insinuates that you have the presence of at least two armies fighting there. Su was more than able to 'cause enough damage on her own thank you very much…

Together they walked through the plantations, dodged the giant snake, hypnotized the hysteric cobra, and distracted the cybernetic ninja badger. They made a right turn to where the latest version of Mecha-Tamago was currently recharging and finally reached the place where Kaolla was usually conducting her experiments.

"Thank god, you're finally here! She's crazy!"

They both turned, and their eyes narrowed. Both Motoko and Mitsume were clapped in some sort of chair. From the look of things they weren't very happy with their present predicament.

"What happened?"

"Do you even have to ask? She stunned us and tied us to these… things!"

"Hurry up and help us before she comes back!"

Keitaro started walking towards Motoko while Naru dashed towards Kitsune. Not having a broken leg, she naturally reached her intended target first. She looked at Kitsune's bindings to find there was no lock.

'How do I open this thing? Hmm, the bindings seem a bit loose… Maybe If I just pull them apart…"

"NO, NARU! THEY ARE BOOBY…"

"ARGH!!!!"

The electric shock knocked both Kitsune and Naru out. Naru, lied flat on what, for now, we will call "floor". Keitaro heard Naru's scream and, when he saw her lying down unconscious, hurried by her side, ignoring the bound Motoko. He put his finger on her neck and he was relieved to see that she still had a pulse and that she was still breathing. He then got up to check on Kitsune. As he checked for pulse and air flow he felt a little sting on the back of his neck.

"…The hell?" He reached back and pulled an air dart out of his neck. "What is this supposed to be?"

The answer came soon to him, as the world began spinning and everything blacked out…

**==================================================**

"Keitaro! Are you OK?"

Keitaro, opened up his eyes and found out he was tiep up to a strange contaption. He couldn't move his arms or his legs. He turned his head to his side to see Naru in pretty much the same predicament.

"It depends… How do you define OK? If you define "OK" by me being alive, with a head the size of uranus, and a feeling that I just got pulped then I guess I am OK."

"You didn't have to be sarcastic…"

"I have a bad feeling about this…"

"A bad feeling? We are tied up in an electric chair, in a portable jungle, and all you have is a bad feeling?"

"NOW who's being sarcastic…"

"Oh, just shut up!"

"Fine!"

They both went silent for a while. They both turned their heads so that they didn't face each other. They were shocked to see Motoko and Mitsune unconsious as whatever it was that they were being tied to was obviously starting to work. Among the various sounds that were being heard in Kaolla's portable rainforest, Keitaro heard sniffing. He turned around to see Naru crying…

"Keitaro… I am afraid…"

He never got to see her like this. He saw her cry before, but out of sadness or anger. This was the first time he saw her cry out fear. He said the only thing that he could think of…

"If it makes you feel any better… So am I…"

"What is going to happen to us?"

"I honestly don't know. But I do know that we will get through this… We always do…"

Naru's face lightened up a little. Seeing this, Keitaro decided to crack a joke to make her feel better…

"Just think that we are starring in our very own B-Horror movie…"

"Yeah… All that we are missing is the Mad Scientist."

As if speaking of the devil, at that moment Kaolla appeared yelling "HALLO EVERYONE!!!". She wore a funny looking helmet and held something that looked like a remote control

"Not anymore." Quipped Keitaro. 

**==================================================**

"Kaolla, what's all this?"

"This is my new Virtual Reality Machine! I put a lot of effort into making it and now I am finally going to try it!"

"And why did you have to tie us up like this?"

"I had a feeling you wouldn't try this voluntarily."

Keitaro raised an eyebrow… She was right…

"So what is this thing going to do to us?"

"It will just put you on a virtual reality world designed by me!"

The words "designed by me" send a shiver down Keitaro's spine. Even though Kaolla was a sweet, happy, carefree and innocent girl, she was still a bit of a psycho.

"And what kind of world is it?" asked Naru

"It's just a place were stories, fantasies and fables become true…"

"Oh brother… Are Motoko and Mitsune in this place as well?"

"Yeah! Their units got charged up a little while ago, yours will be set in a minute."

Keitaro decided to plead with her "Kaolla, please don't do this! It's not right!"

"Come on! It will be fun! Besides, I will be guiding you! That's why I am wearing this!"

"I don't care if you are guiding us or not! We just want to get out of here!"

"I know you don't mean it! Anyway, okies, you are all set, let's go!"

"No, wait! Kao..."

Keitaro's speech was cut short as Kaolla pushed a button on her remote control. He felt like his whole being was ripped apart from his body. He screamed as he saw a white light coming toward him at high speed....

See you all at Chapter 1!

**==================================================**

OK! There goes the prologue! I hope you enjoyed reading it, as much as I enjoyed writing it. By the way, this is not going to be a Matrix Parody (even though I do intend to poke some fun at it). I am writing a virtual reality story because a virtual world is essentially a place where anything can happen. I can literally do anything to the characters! I do intend to keep them as close to Akamatsu's profiles as I can though. After all the main reason you sit down to write a fanfic is because you like the characters, right?

By the way, is there a certain setting that you would like to see the Keitaro and the rest of the Hinata gang get into? I am already having a few ideas, but I want to hear from you as well. I would especially appreciate it, if any one of you could pre-read chapters and tell me what you think, and how I can improve the story.

**References:**

OK, I pay homage to a lot of stuff in my stories ("homage as we know is just a PC way to say "I rip something off), so I decided to add a reference section to this story, where I say exactly where I stole… errr… I mean borrowed my material from:

_**-Love Hina:**_ Obviously, since this is a Love Hina fanfic, I am going to rip some stuff off it, mainly the main characters. If you are one of those unfortunate people that haven't read it yet, do so now. You'll thank me later…

_**-The Matrix:**_ Duh! Of Course! One of the best movies ever, it deals with the nature of reality. Also check out the Animatrix! Just be sure to stay clear of the sequels. They will ruin everything for you.

_**-Monkey Island "Le Chuck's Revenge"-**_ The "Bad Feeling" dialog and comebacks came from a certain line, in a certain scene of the game where two of the protagonists were held prisoners. The Monkey Island series of games is one of the funniest and funnest around. I suggest you check them out if you can find them.

Join us in the next chapter as Keitaro takes his first steps into Kaolla's virtual world.


	2. Chapter 1: The Bright Light

**LOVE HINA: Virtual Surreality**

By Petran

Well, here we are in the virtual world where the story will finally begin to take off. Hopefully, I will make the best I can out of this...

I would like to thank all the people who reviewed my story... All two of you... And, hey, I don't like logging in to write either, but I think it's sometimes good to tell the person that you like (or don't like) what he is doing and where he is going with the story. As for Shinobu she WILL play an important part in the story later. Let's just say that Shinobu in the virtual world actually stands a chance to win over Keitaro.

As for Kaolla Su's name, in the Manga she is called either Kaolla or Su, by people. I merely use that device because I don't want to repeat the same name a lot. From now on I will just call her Kaolla.

OK, here is the usual legal stuff:

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own Love Hina. Love Hina is a property of Ken Akamatsu, Tokyopop and Studio Xebec and TV Tokyo (am I forgetting anyone?). I only wrote this because I like the anime and LOVE the manga, not to make money out of it, so please don't legally kick my ass… please!_

"*"=Spoken Words

'*'=Thoughts

=====================================

Chapter 1:** The Bright Light**

The light was so bright that it hurt Keitaro's eyes. His eyelids were kept shut for a couple of minutes, before he decided to slowly open them and let his eyes adjust. It was a strange feeling. All the pain he felt was somehow gone. He felt light…Are you ready for the cliche?

_'Oh my God! Did Su's machine end up killing me? Am I dead? Is this supposed to be heaven?'_ He pinched himself... _'Ouch! Painfull! But at least this means I am alive!'_ Relieved for the first time that he could actually feel pain, Keitaro took a look at himself.

He was not wearing his glasses. And he didn't have a crutch on. He was still wearing his striped pyjamas.

"OK, clearly I am not in heaven. I definitely wouldn't be wearing those types of clothes there... But where am I?"

He took a look at his surroundings. The room was completely empty, save for a couch, a wardrobe, some sort of television, and what appeared to be a door. There was also a sort of mirror.

A voice was heard behind him...

"This is a simulated program Keitaro! Rules of the world do not apply here!"

Keitaro turned around to see a chibi version of Kaolla...

"I always wanted to say that!"

=====================================

"Remind me to keep you away from science fiction movies... Is this the virtual world? it seems kind of... well... empty to me."

"That's because you have not entered the virtual world yet. You are at the entrance program..."

"Entrance program?"

"Yes, it's function is to prepare you for the virtual world... It is basically a room where you accustom your self to what you want it to look like..."

"Really? How?"

"Just step over the mirror over there!"

Keitaro walked in front of the mirror. He could see his reflection, but something was...well... different. He knew he was seeing himself, but it was as if the image in front of him was not coming from his reflection but rather than what _he thought _was his reflection. He could see himself, but the image he saw in the mirror was sort of unstable.

"Now, all you have to do is close your eyes and imagine the image you see in front of you turn into something else."

'Lets start with something easy... I'll just change my clothes.' Keitaro closed his eyes and pictured himself wearing a blue shirt, black trousers and sneakers. He opened his eyes and looked himself in the mirror. Sure enough he was wearing exactly what he was imagining...

"This is fun... and I can change anything in my appearance?"

"Yes, anything."

He closed his eyes again, opened them up again, made sure that Kaolla was looking another way, then took a look inside his pants and said "Hey, this is _really_ effective!"

=================================================

Keitaro experimented with his appearance quite a bit. He tried to make himself look big and muscular, but the resulting image was not that good. To his amazement, a big set of muscles created quite a contract with his normal face. He tried several different clothes that were considered to be "in fashion" but for some reason they just didn't look good for him. He tried at some point wearing a "Matrix" type of outfit -black clothes, black boots and black sunglassed- made him look more like Al Gore than Keanu, and the spandex was giving him a squingy.

In the end he decided that it would be better if he just appeared the way he was supposed to be, minus the glasses. Naru had once told him that he looked cute without them. The initial look he chose for himself, with the blue shirt and the black trousers was the best one so far, so he stuck with it.

"OK, I think I'll give my look a bit of a rest... All this imagining is giving me a headache..." He sat in the couch and looked at the chibi-version of Kaolla.

"By the way, Kaolla, what's with the chibi look?"

"Oh, that? That is just a communication program I made to keep in touch with you while you guys are in the virtual world, and provide help. Kind of like a chat program."

"You mean you are not really in here?"

"No... I am not connected like you are..."

Keitaro sighed. _Of course _she wouldn't be here... Kaolla, in a time-honoured tradition among scientists, did not try her disastrous inventions on herself.

"And how exactly do I get out of this place? I mean... It's nice and all, but I think that at some point I will need to get out of here to do my job, study and stuff..." 

"Get out?!" The chibi version of Kaolla changed it's expression from playlike to concerned... "I _ knew_ I forgot something!" 

_"What?!"_

=================================================

"You mean that there is no way for me and the others to get out?"

"Not yet! But I will work on it! But, hey... take it the good way... This means that you can actually explore this world a little bit longer!"

Keitaro sighed... "Fine, It looks like I don't have a choice... By the way where are the others?"

"They are around the virtual world right now, in different places. You will bump into them sooner or later."

"And how do I get into this world exactly?"

"Just walk through the door... "

Keitaro walked through the door into the outside... As soon as he closed the door, everything went dark and he noticed that he just walked into a great black void... He started falling at an increasing speed... to where?

=================================================

It wasn't much the falling that concerned Keitaro... Having gone through -too- many trips into Lower Earth Orbit with the Naru Punch, he knew that the flight itself wasn't as painful as _the landing_. He seriously considered at some point of asking Kaolla to make him a portable parachute, but, knowing her, he was sure that whatever she made for him would definitely be WAY much more what he originally asked for. Mental images of a parachute with mecha armour and rockets made him discard that solution.

Kaolla was a firm believer in cramming anything she can in even her simplest inventions. For example, a simple surveilance robot she once made to monitor Keitaro, also contained a jet propulsion and an explosive self-destruct mechanism. It managed to send Keitaro into orbit AND blow him up while he was up there. Her inventions had the weird disadvantage of doing much more than what was written in the box. You wanted ground-to-air missiles? All you had to do was ask Kaolla to make you a spring fountain. And now he was trapped in a virtual world made by her? Who knows what he will encounter there?

Keitaro noticed that he was falling towards something spherical in size which was getting closer and closer. As he grew closer, he noticed that it was getting larger, until it became apparent that ,what it was, was actually a planet, or at least something that was supposed to be a planet. And he was falling towards it at top speed.

There was a loud thud...

**End of Chapter 1**

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OK, that chapter was shorter than the prologue, I know, but I had plenty of work this week. No references this time, except for the obvious (Matrix and Love Hina). Thankfully, things are starting to cool down a bit, which means you will get to see the next chapter very soon. I promise you it's going to be a lot better than this one. By the way, before you ask, Keitaro will encounter another member of the Hinata-Sou VERY soon...

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Preview of Next Chapter:

_"He took a look around his surroundings. He was inside what appeared to be a forest. There were some really nice mountains around it. There were herbs and flowers and a lake with a bronchosaurus in it and..._

_A bronchosaurus?_

_Where the heck WAS he?"_

Join us in _Chapter 2: **Jurassic Pork**_

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	3. Chapter 2:Jurassic Pork

**LOVE HINA: Virtual Surreality**

By Petran

=================================================

OK, here is my third chapter! I bet you didn't think it would be so soon! Anyway, as you can see it's _way_ longer than the last one. This is mainly due to the fact that my job finally cooled off a bit, and I can finally get some slacking off done.

Thank you for your comments, they make the story better, even if they are negative ones. 

Being set in a virtual world means that you can sort of throw away the rulebook and have some fun with the characters. After all, it's a world where anything can happen. I am definitely going to put Keitaro and Co. in several different situations and see how they react to them.

Sorry Haruka fans, but I don't plan on using her in this story. Not because I can't find a way to put her in, but mainly because I have planned the ending of this story to coincide with my next one, and putting Haruka in this world would through a serious monkey wrench on the way things turn up in the end. Mutsumi and Shinobu fans can relax as I WILL put them in the story later and they WILL play an important part. 

And if you like this story, _please_ review.

Lets get this show on the road... Oh, yeah! the legal stuff!

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own Love Hina. Love Hina is a property of Ken Akamatsu, Tokyopop and Studio Xebec and TV Tokyo (am I forgetting anyone?). I only wrote this because I like the anime and LOVE the manga, not to make money out of it, so please don't legally kick my ass… please!_

"*"=Spoken Words

'*'=Thoughts

=================================================

Chapter 2: ** Jurassic Pork**

"Look mum! I'm roadkill! Ouch!"

Keitaro was face to face with was supposed to be the ground. He was inside a man-shaped hole apparently created by his impact. He picked himself up, spit out the dirt that was crammed inside his mouth, and shook his head vigourously..

"I can never get used to this."

He took a look around his surroundings. He was inside what appeared to be a forest. There were some really nice mountains around it. There were herbs and flowers and a lake with a bronchosaurus in it and...

A bronchosaurus?

Where the heck WAS he?

His mind raced back to the time when he was being given biology lessons. He was never really interested in old fossils back then, so he never really paid attention. But he did recall the lessons about the dinosaurs. Great creatures that roamed the earth millions of years ago. He was always fascinated by them...

But right now he was really scared. Mainly because he was actually WITH them without anything to defend himself. Even though the bronchosaurus in the lake seemed mild enough, he was certain that Kaolla definitely put some T-Rexes in here somewhere. 

He wandered in the forest for a while, before he became hungry. 

"I would do anything for some grub. Hey, this is a virtual world... Why am I feeling hungry?"

"Because you are under the impression that you are real, and therefore your virtual self has the same urges, needs and responses as your real self."

"Who said that? Oh, it's you."

The chibi version of Kaolla Su was flying around him like a little fairy.

"Are you following me everywhere I go?"

"Not really, I don't really _follow_ you, since I can watch everything from my screen. I just appear in this way when you have a query, or when I want to talk you."

"OK, looks like I have a "query". Kaolla, what is this place?"

"This is just something I came up with while watching dinosaur movies."

Keitaro didn't really want to know what kind of movies she meant. He made a mental note of grounding Kaolla and banning certain types of movies from Hinata when, and if, he came back from... wherever he was. He decided to deal with a more urgent matter.

"Kaolla, I am hungry, is there anything I can eat in here?"

"What would you like to eat?"

"A pork steak would be nice..."

"Done. Just look under that shrub over there."

He reached under the shrub, and, sure enough, there was a pork steak. It felt strangely filling as he put it in his mouth and started devouring it.

"Can I also have a little orange juice?"

"Done. It's in the same place."

The orange juice was in the same place under the shrub. He started drinking and feeling a little bit relaxed when he felt a little tapping on his shoulder.

"Oh, Kaolla, don't tell me you are actually feeling hungry as we..."

He turned around and came face to face with a large grinning mouth. What scared him however was not the mouth itself, but rather the real sharp teeth that happened to be attached to it. From the look of things it was Tyranosaurus The drooling indicated that it was on the prowl and that it just encountered a snack.

"Uhm.... Nice lizard?!"

The "lizard" growled and opened its mouth to get a large chunkful of Keitaro. Fortunately he was long gone by then. When the "lizard" closed its mouth and gobbled a huge amount of air, it opened its eyes to see Keitaro running away, reaching a speed of 100mph, and still accelerating.

"I knew there was a T-Rex in here somewhere!

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Keitaro reached a cave and stood in there panting. The chibi-version of Kaolla appeared right next to him.

"That was fun! Wasn't it?"

Keitaro didn't answer, he just kept on weezing and panting.

"By the way how was your steak? Was it good?"

Keitaro nodded.

"Was your orange juice good as well?

Keitaro nodded once more.

"Anything else I can get you?"

Keitaro answered back this time:

"Yes (pant).... _YOU CAN GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!_"

The chibi version of Kaolla made a face that clearly showed she was hurt and quickly disappeared. Rain started pouring out from the sky and Keitaro decided to stay inside the cave. Even though he was in a virtual world he didn't like the feeling of being soaked wet and cold, and he ceratinly didn't want to come down with a virus, virtual or not. He was a bit tired after the long run away from the "lizard" so he decided to have a sit and think some things over.

He was clearly in a fake world, but it all seemed awfully _real_ to him. He could feel pain, he could feel hunger, he could feel fatigue, and he could certainly feel fear. He was pretty sure that he was indestructible in the real world, despite the broken foot, but was he indestructible in here as well? Could he take the same amount of punishment that he is taking in the real world?

And what about the others? Where are they? Have they gone through the same ordeals as him? Were they even in the same place as him?

'I wonder what Naru is doing right about now. Hopefully she is in a much better place than me.'

"Kaolla, are you still here?"

The chibi version of Kaolla had disappeared and he was all alone in the cave. Keitaro regretted having yelled at her. Sure, he got almost eaten by a dinosaur, but it was nice having someone to talk to, not to mention she had given him a steak. Sure, it probably was just bits and bytes but it was a nice gesture nonetheless Even though he knew that he was in this predicament because of her, he couldn't stop feeling guilty.

The rain outside grew stronger, and Keitaro decided to get deeper inside the cave. The deeper he went, the darker it became, but it also became warmer, so he decided to go on in further. He kept feeling his way around the cave, walking in slow steps. Suddenly the dark was broken by a strange orange light.

'Fire! This means that someone is over there! I am not alone anymore!'

He walked towards the light as fast as he possibly could. As he grew closer, and it became brighter, he noticed that the cave was quite large in size. He finally reached the place where the orange light was... And was severely dissapointed. This was no fire... It was lava... He was inside an active volcano.

"Crap! I've got to get out of here, before this volcano starts blowing and fries me to a virtual crisp!"

And he would have, if a pair of large hairy arms, hadn't grabbed him, immobilised him with an arm lock, and tied him up to a stick. Keitaro took a look at his captor. He was large and simian-like, and smelled like... It's best not to describe what he smelled like... Let's just say that he made a public toilet smell like a rose garden.

The creature, which for now we will call "captor" took Keitaro further down the cave an closer to the lava. Keitaro had the sneaking suspicion that he would be deep fried in a little while. Looking around him he saw that the people who were inside the cave, if you could really call them that, shaped it to be like a temple. The fact that he wasn't killed on capture indicated that he was going to be used in a ritual. Finally, the captor stopped in front of a small hole in the ground, which happened to have the same width as the stick Keitaro was being tied to, and with great ease nailed the stick in it, so that Keitaro was now in a horizontal position. The captor growled.

"Groarr! Grump, Pumpomba!"

Keitaro was amazed to hear a female voice with a heavy Kensai accent.

"Yes. What did you bring me this time?"

Slowly, the captor turned the stick around. Keitaro now was face to face with the person who the person who just talked. She was dressed in a low-cut fur dress, and she had short hair. The orange light, and the fur, combined with her facial characteristics made her look like a fox.

"Kitsune?!"

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"Keitaro?! OH MY GOD! KEITARO!!!"

Kitsune leaped and hugged Keitaro who was still tied up. Due to the fact that he was still tied up to a stick, Keitaro was located a little higher than her which meant that he got to have a really good look of her cleavage. His face grew red and naturallly:

"AGH! NOSEBLEED!"

"Yes! It's really you Keitaro! How did you get in here?"

"Well, I fell through a hole, I got lost in the woods, I got chased by a lizard, and I got captured by..."

"Glonk! His name is Glonk!"

"Grumph! Grapagrapagroupa"

"No Glonk, this is no food! Inedible, Yuck! Geddit?"

"Paragraranga"

"No, you can't have a bite. Bad Glonk! Bad!"

"Braaaaaaaaaa!"

Glonk started crying. Kitsune patted him on the back "Don't cry, Glonk! You good! Yes! This I like!" Kitsune then turned her attention back to Keitaro.

"It was a bit hard getting them to understand me at first, but I am getting the hang of it."

"How about you, Kitsune? What's your story?"

"Well, I got lost, wound up in this cave and got captured a bit like you... But for some reason they think I am some sort of fox god..."

"I thought that foxes, dinosaurs and primates did not exist in the same time period..."

"Hey, this is Kaolla's virtual world! I guess she got things a bit mixed up as usual."

"I can accept that. By the way, what do you mean "them"? You mean there is more than one?"

"Yes, there's Glonk, Bonk, Dronk, Pronk. From what I understand, they are brothers. They are exactly identical in fact... But I found a way to tell them apart."

"How?"

"When I hit them on the head they make a different sound..."

Kitsune hit Glonk on the head, and a thud was heard.

"C-note... It's Glonk."

"Kitsune all this is interesting and all... But could you please untie me? I am getting a cramp."

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The other brothers soon returned and they all had a feast. It was the first time Keitaro had ever tasted roast dinosaur on a lava-spit before. The taste was very difficult to pin on. It tasted a bit like chicken, but it was more juicy and tasteful. The water was muddy and dirty, but the heat of the cave definitely made it much tastier.

"So, Kitsune! Have you ever thought how you are going to get out of here?"

"Out of here? I don't want to get out!"

"What?!"

"I like it here! I get to eat as much as I want without worrying about weight gain, I have several men catering to my every whim, and now I have you in here... It doesn't get any better than this..."

"You can't be serious!"

"Oh, but I am... I am going to be the queen of this place and you are going to be the king. This is going to be our palace where we _really _get the heat on!"

"That's it! You've definitely stayed in this place far too long!"

"Come on, Keitaro!" Kitsune was now leaning against him, pinning him to the ground, putting her bossom close to his chest and wispering softly in his ear. "I know it's something we both want... Why don't you give me a chance to rock your world? Besides, we are alone in here, nobody is around..."

"Except, the four sasquats..."

"Right! Glonk, Bonk, Dronk, Pronk, _pipikiripoko!"_

Obediently, the four cavemen went away...

"This is what I say, when I am about to go about and do some *ahem* _personal_ business... Now...where were we? Ah, yes..."

"But I already confesed my love to Naru!"

"Well, guess what?! Naru's not in here right now! It's just you and me..."Kitsune, leaned over as she was about to kiss him, when there was a huge rumble.

"I told you I was going to rock your world! Didn't you feel the earth moving?"

"That was an _earthquake! _Something's wrong! The volcano must be acting up!"

There was another rumble, and another quake. Keitaro and Kitsune both looked down below to see that the lava was slowly rising up.

"This place is about to explode! Lets get out of here!"

Keitaro grabbed Kitsune by the hand and started leading her of the cave. Just then, the four cavemen walked in, and, as they saw this started yelling _"Badda, Mutha, Fonga, Bunga! Ooga-Booga!"_

"What are they saying?"  
"They are saying that you are kidnapping me, and that they are going to kill you."

They both started running, with the cavemen chasing after them. Normally the cave would be dark, but the rising heat from the lava, made some of the stones start to glow. Very soon, they reached the entrance of the cave and went out of it. It was still raining, which was nice, since it cooled them down from the immense heat of the active virtual volcano. Pretty soon the cavemen were out of the volcano as well.

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"Are they still after us?!"

"Yes!"

"Maybe if we stop to explain!"

"Yeah, you explain to the neanderdals that I was just getting you out of the volcano, while they are beating me to death! We have to get out of this place!

"OK, fine! How?"

In the midst of running, with his lungs burning up, a thought passed through Keitaro's mind, he decided to go with it!

"Kaolla! I know you are seeing all this! Look! I am sorry I yelled at you, but I was nearly eaten by a T-Rex for god's sake! Listen! SU! WE NEED YOUR HELP!"

The chibi version of Kaolla appeared by his side. "I am glad you decided to make up with me Keitaro..."

"Yeah, me too!" said Keitaro, panting.

"Whoah!" said Kitsune "What is that?"

"Long story! No time! Tell later! Listen Kaolla! We need to get out of here."  
"I can't get you out of the virtual world yet. I am still working on it."  
"OK. But can we go somewhere else? All this running around with dinosaurs and cavemen is getting old a little too fast!"

"Oh! That is easy! Just go inside that tree trunk over there. It's a gate to another part of the virtual world."

They both reached the tree trunk. It looked exactly like a normal tree trunk, but something was different. For one, when you looked inside a tree trunk you usually saw dirt and maggots, not a view of a great green field.

"So, Let me, get this straight. If we go through this, we will go into another part of this virtual world?"

"According to Kaolla, Yes."

"OK, I'll go first."

Kitsune climbed into the tree trunk and quite easily slided inside it. Keitaro started doing the same, but as he went down he got stuck!

"Damn, maybe I shouldn't have eaten the dinosaur after all!"

Pretty soon the cavemen were there.with Keitaro still struggling to get inside the trunk.

"Baranga Malaka, Pufdah" (You took fox-goddess away from us)

"Bonga, cupa, kathiki" (And we were about to have a nice mating ritual)

"Lamba, mukka, bukka" (And the dating pool is rather limited when you are a Neanderdal)

The cavemen noticed Keitaro struggling.

"Cabala-Donga?" (What's he doing?)

"Ha! Ha! Budonka puta skouliki!" (Ha! Ha! Looks like he is trying to be a gopher!)

"Bodonka tsoglani" (Lets give him a little hand)

One of the cavemen, it had to be Glonk, grew closer and raised his fist. He quickly lowered it, hitting Keitaro on the head knocking him unconscious. The effect of the punch was the same as a hammer hitting a nail. It sent him inside the trunk and into the gate. Clearly out of it, Keitaro travelled to wherever it was he was travelling.

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Keitaro woke up to find Kitsune by his side. She was holding his head on her lap, with her face close to him.

"Thank god you are all right! I was getting seriously worried."

"Where are we?"

"Well, there are no dinosaurs, from the looks of things, nor cavemen. So we are not in a Ray Harryhausen movie anymore."

"I guess that's good"

They both got up and looked around. They were on an open field. On the distance there was what appeared to be a town. But it didn't look like a modern town...

"From the look of things we are in..."

There was a huge continuous rumble. Keitaro and Kitsune looked around to see several hundred horses heading their way on both directions. The riders holding huge katanas and were the traditional armour of the samurai warrior.

"... Ancient Rural Japan."

The horses closed in on them and the battle began...

**End of Chapter 2**

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Whew! It's finally finished! Hopefully you enjoyed it more than the last chapter!

As you can see, the concept has lots of potential, and I am willing to milk it for all its worth. Again, I am welcoming ideas and suggestions, and comments.

Join us next chapter as Kitsune and Keitaro go through the mess that is ancient rural Japan, and reunite with one more member of the Hinatasou to fight an all powerful demon.

**References:**

OK, here is where I ripped off some of my ideas.

**_Love Hina:_ **One of the best manga out there. I suggest you tie your friends on a pole and force them to read it, if they are not into it.

_**The Matrix:**_ OK, the whole virtual reality concept was taken from here, but I didn't really parody much of it in this chapter.

_**The secret of the Monkey Island:** _Yes, one of the game's most unforgetable dialog sequences found its way in here. Can you spot it?

_**The Time Tunnel: **_It is an old show where two people travel through different time periods by using gates. I just thought the gate idea would a good plot device to use in this story..

_**Jurassic Park:**_ Well, if you haven't guessed from the title, I am parodying stuff from here as well. T-Rex rules!

**_Ray Harryhausen:_ **He is the man responsible for all those monster movies in the 60's and 70's. He was using a clay technique to make dinosaurs come to life on screen long before CGI found its way into the movies.

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Preview of Next Chapter:

_"This is a mighty ancient technique! It is a technique used only by the most brave, the most pure, and the most valiant. It's been passed around my family's lineage for centuries. It has been used by my ancestors since ancient times to vanquish powerful evil and kill demons! It's power is..."_

_Keitaro tapped her on her shoulder, and pointed up to indicate that the demon was still standing and snickering._

_"And what do you do when this technique doesn't work?"_

_"Well, in this case.. RUN LIKE THE DICKENS!!!!"_

Join us in Chapter 3: **Swords and Demons**

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